The end of an era
So I'm just about to finish college. 3 years of my life have been spent there and I have to say I'm feeling a little sad about leaving. I had no idea what sort of place my college was when I applyed (it's sooooo evangelical) and I had no idea how much it could change me...
I now know that if you want to put a smile on the face of most of the people who go there mention the following things 1) Calvin 2) Systematic theology 3) John Piper
and if I want to hack anyone off I either a) pray in tounges, loudly b) suggest a ministry time in chapel comeplete with flag waving! c) insist that penal substitution is silly.
I've met a lot of great people there who have become good friends. Best of all I know a heck of a lot more about the bible (but still not enough!) and feel confident in who God is. My faith has certainly been up and down over the years but the lasting impression college will leave on me is, not my dipolma or even my mates but a foundation in truth that basicly God loves me very much.
It's tempting to put it in a fancy way, because I've learnt how, but that's it!
My poor neglected blog
I have quite a rubbish relationship with this blog, in fact I totally forgot it existed untill I was reading one of my friends blogs and I said "oh yeah I've got one out there somewhere" I couldn't really say more then that tho. That made me think perhaps I could try and visit this thing more often.
It is HOT in London right now, and us British can't really do heat, we dont have the technology! That is air conditioning doesnt really exisit to the degree that it should on day's like this.
I've been to Florida a few times and air conditioning is everywhere, well it has to be! So you get baked by the sun and then frozen by the air con. But at least you're not stuck on a stuffy sweaty tube with your face in someone elses armpit (the tube is always packed this time of year with tourists) with frequent announcements to keep drinking water, like duh!!!
So, here I am in my flat trying to battle the heat with my pathetic little fan, it's my excuse not to do any house work tho :)
Well, hopefully I wont neglect this blog again...... unless I die from heat exaustion!
Dear Diary
I found a bunch of my old diary's from when I was younger yesterday whilst I was having a mad clear up. I've been keeping a diary since I was 10, I am now 22. 12 years of diary keeping. There have been years in which I wrote almost nothing. Others that filled up several notebooks. The ones I stumbled across yesterday were from the ages of 11- 14. I spent the rest of the evening reading them and taking a trip down memory lane. I remember those years as being some of the hardest of my life, at the time I was struggling with anorexia and the strains that put upon my family, my friends and also myself. I found it difficult as memories of my self loathing came flooding back which, in all honesty, still has some grasp on my life. I was also astounded by how isolated I felt. During that period I remember confiding in my diary constantly. In my diary I could pour it all out, rave and swear at the adults around me, satirize them in poems or devise tradgic lyrics of unrequited love, safe from prying and unjudgemental eyes. I could be anybody, hold any opinion. By the time I'd finished it was rather late but I was struck by how much had happened in my small life. I had a house mate who was 57 at the time I lived there and I remember him saying that I'd had as much drama happen to me in my 20 years on the planet as he had in almost 60 years. Last night I felt like a lot had happened but also that I'd moved a lot away from that sad, confused young girl I was 10 years ago and I was reminded by something a friend said to me not so long ago. "People tend to over-estimate what God can do in a year and under-estimate what he can do in 10" I felt at that point the real truth behind those words. Since those days of my eating disorder I've become a new person through the power of Jesus, and He is the reason I believe why I am the woman I am today. If someone had said to me 10 years ago where i would be now I wouldnt have believed it for anything because all I wanted to do was die. This gives me hope for the future because even in the darkest depths of sorrow I know that this too shall pass and I am being led closer and closer to my Father in heaven. It made me wonder where I will be by the age of 32, I have absolutly no clue, but this i do know. It's gonna be fun finding out.
New Year
So its the beginning of another year. Lots of new years resaloutions made, and broken as is the custom. It's made me think why bother? Why year after year do we resolve to do stuff that we know full well before january is out most of us have gone oh sod it! and eaten a family size toblerone. Gym membership cards left un-used covered in dust, my new trainers i bought last year because i was going to go jogging, oh yes! Have seen the light of day perhaps twice.
Mabe next year I'll resolve to do something do able ie, i will attempt to watch all the episodes of eastenders in the week, i will remember to turn my phone on silent whilst in the cinema, i will make sure that ive installed all the mp3 stuff you need to use my mp3 player.
Actually, who am i kidding? I porbably wont be able to keep those either!
Happy New Year!!
brithday
Today I've been mainly thinking about those crazy events in your life that only appear but once a year and can either be cause to celebrate or comiserate. I'm talking of course about birthdays. Mine's comming up soon and to be honest I'm sort of freaked out by it. Time was birthdays were an excuse to eat as much cake and ice cream as you liked, jump around on a bouncy castle and be sick on Stephen Walker from 3p's head. Just one example of a truly AWESOME birthday!!!
These days I have a sort of insecurtity complex about it all, is it still ok to make a big deal out of your birthday? Most people are sort of modest about it "oh no you dont have to buy me anything" which is code for YOU BETTER BUY ME SOMETHING AS LEAST AS EXPENSIVE AS THE GIFT I GOT YOU. And there's the politics of the birthday bash be it party or otherwise. Who to invite? Who not to invite? It's a minefield out there!
When I was little the tradition was to hire out the local sports hall get all the kids jacked up on sugar include roller skates and inflatables and chaos insues. I swear it's more fun then dinner in a fancy restaurant. The guest list wasnt a problem either my mum mainly chose who went my although my choices came a close second!
And then there's the age issue, personally I dont get being sensitve about your age, it's just a number and really doesnt mean that much unless you are under the age of 18 when it certainly does mean everything to look older! I'm trying to grow up gracefully, which although traumatic has it's goodside too. I no longer am sporting a dodgy frizzy hair cut and braces and I can eat ice cream for dinner if i want to name a few top reasons! It does freak me out sometimes when I have to do soemthing really grown up like talk to bank managers and introduce people to my husband.
I guess birthdays are there to be celebrated I mean look at xmas! You dont see Jesus getting all shy about his age and he's at least in his mid to late 3344000's hmmm 22 doesnt seem so bad you know.
brithday
Today I've been mainly thinking about those crazy events in your life that only appear but once a year and can either be cause to celebrate or comiserate. I'm talking of course about birthdays. Mine's comming up soon and to be honest I'm sort of freaked out by it. Time was birthdays were an excuse to eat as much cake and ice cream as you liked, jump around on a bouncy castle and be sick on Stephen Walker from 3p's head. Just one example of a truly AWESOME birthday!!!
These days I have a sort of insecurtity complex about it all, is it still ok to make a big deal out of your birthday? Most people are sort of modest about it "oh no you dont have to buy me anything" which is code for YOU BETTER BUY ME SOMETHING AS LEAST AS EXPENSIVE AS THE GIFT I GOT YOU. And there's the politics of the birthday bash be it party or otherwise. Who to invite? Who not to invite? It's a minefield out there!
When I was little the tradition was to hire out the local sports hall get all the kids jacked up on sugar include roller skates and inflatables and chaos insues. I swear it's more fun then dinner in a fancy restaurant. The guest list wasnt a problem either my mum mainly chose who went my although my choices came a close second!
And then there's the age issue, personally I dont get being sensitve about your age, it's just a number and really doesnt mean that much unless you are under the age of 18 when it certainly does mean everything to look older! I'm trying to grow up gracefully, which although traumatic has it's goodside too. I no longer am sporting a dodgy frizzy hair cut and braces and I can eat ice cream for dinner if i want to name a few top reasons! It does freak me out sometimes when I have to do soemthing really grown up like talk to bank managers and introduce people to my husband.
I guess birthdays are there to be celebrated I mean look at xmas! You dont see Jesus getting all shy about his age and he's at least in his mid to late 3344000's hmmm 22 doesnt seem so bad you know.
The Return
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack! who missed me? prob no one, never mind.
Well today''s the day we finally got broadband, after much confusion (easy installation my butt!) i managed to persuade my husband to ring the internet company helpline, which was a challenge in itself. I dont understand this trying to do it yourself thing that men have going. My theory is, cant do it? THEN ASK FOR HELP! Apparently this is bad and wrong in Man World, I have no idea why. So needless to say my husband was rather reluctant to call the friendly people from the interent company even after the 3rd installment when i was close to tears, all i wanted to do was check my email already! So in the end i dialled the number, 10 mins later..... we were connected! You see guys, asking for help is GOOD!
So yes and now we're back and I've decided to revisit this thing, most upset that nobody has posted comments or anything. I'm still actually not too sure on what the whole point of this thing is but it has only been a mere 5 or 6 posts so far. Mabe I'll have more of an idea when I get to like a hundread or something.
another blog address
here's another blog thats good if you're feeling in a prayer for other country's type mood. http://the50states.blogspot.com mainly because i made it, lol. this is what i spend most of my spare time doing, that and watching big brother.
