Dear Diary

I found a bunch of my old diary's from when I was younger yesterday whilst I was having a mad clear up. I've been keeping a diary since I was 10, I am now 22. 12 years of diary keeping. There have been years in which I wrote almost nothing. Others that filled up several notebooks. The ones I stumbled across yesterday were from the ages of 11- 14. I spent the rest of the evening reading them and taking a trip down memory lane. I remember those years as being some of the hardest of my life, at the time I was struggling with anorexia and the strains that put upon my family, my friends and also myself. I found it difficult as memories of my self loathing came flooding back which, in all honesty, still has some grasp on my life. I was also astounded by how isolated I felt. During that period I remember confiding in my diary constantly. In my diary I could pour it all out, rave and swear at the adults around me, satirize them in poems or devise tradgic lyrics of unrequited love, safe from prying and unjudgemental eyes. I could be anybody, hold any opinion. By the time I'd finished it was rather late but I was struck by how much had happened in my small life. I had a house mate who was 57 at the time I lived there and I remember him saying that I'd had as much drama happen to me in my 20 years on the planet as he had in almost 60 years. Last night I felt like a lot had happened but also that I'd moved a lot away from that sad, confused young girl I was 10 years ago and I was reminded by something a friend said to me not so long ago. "People tend to over-estimate what God can do in a year and under-estimate what he can do in 10" I felt at that point the real truth behind those words. Since those days of my eating disorder I've become a new person through the power of Jesus, and He is the reason I believe why I am the woman I am today. If someone had said to me 10 years ago where i would be now I wouldnt have believed it for anything because all I wanted to do was die. This gives me hope for the future because even in the darkest depths of sorrow I know that this too shall pass and I am being led closer and closer to my Father in heaven. It made me wonder where I will be by the age of 32, I have absolutly no clue, but this i do know. It's gonna be fun finding out.

New Year

So its the beginning of another year. Lots of new years resaloutions made, and broken as is the custom. It's made me think why bother? Why year after year do we resolve to do stuff that we know full well before january is out most of us have gone oh sod it! and eaten a family size toblerone. Gym membership cards left un-used covered in dust, my new trainers i bought last year because i was going to go jogging, oh yes! Have seen the light of day perhaps twice.
Mabe next year I'll resolve to do something do able ie, i will attempt to watch all the episodes of eastenders in the week, i will remember to turn my phone on silent whilst in the cinema, i will make sure that ive installed all the mp3 stuff you need to use my mp3 player.
Actually, who am i kidding? I porbably wont be able to keep those either!
Happy New Year!!