Dear Diary
I found a bunch of my old diary's from when I was younger yesterday whilst I was having a mad clear up. I've been keeping a diary since I was 10, I am now 22. 12 years of diary keeping. There have been years in which I wrote almost nothing. Others that filled up several notebooks. The ones I stumbled across yesterday were from the ages of 11- 14. I spent the rest of the evening reading them and taking a trip down memory lane. I remember those years as being some of the hardest of my life, at the time I was struggling with anorexia and the strains that put upon my family, my friends and also myself. I found it difficult as memories of my self loathing came flooding back which, in all honesty, still has some grasp on my life. I was also astounded by how isolated I felt. During that period I remember confiding in my diary constantly. In my diary I could pour it all out, rave and swear at the adults around me, satirize them in poems or devise tradgic lyrics of unrequited love, safe from prying and unjudgemental eyes. I could be anybody, hold any opinion. By the time I'd finished it was rather late but I was struck by how much had happened in my small life. I had a house mate who was 57 at the time I lived there and I remember him saying that I'd had as much drama happen to me in my 20 years on the planet as he had in almost 60 years. Last night I felt like a lot had happened but also that I'd moved a lot away from that sad, confused young girl I was 10 years ago and I was reminded by something a friend said to me not so long ago. "People tend to over-estimate what God can do in a year and under-estimate what he can do in 10" I felt at that point the real truth behind those words. Since those days of my eating disorder I've become a new person through the power of Jesus, and He is the reason I believe why I am the woman I am today. If someone had said to me 10 years ago where i would be now I wouldnt have believed it for anything because all I wanted to do was die. This gives me hope for the future because even in the darkest depths of sorrow I know that this too shall pass and I am being led closer and closer to my Father in heaven. It made me wonder where I will be by the age of 32, I have absolutly no clue, but this i do know. It's gonna be fun finding out.
posted by RaCh @ 11:51 pm
4 Comments:
At 10:47 am,
alex said…
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At 7:56 pm,
alex said…
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At 1:28 am,
alex said…
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At 2:02 am,
alex said…
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